Could "Willpower" Have Helped Mike Tyson?

We are all saddened when we read something like what is happening to Mike Tyson. It appears he has squandered his fortune - see "Tyson's Bankruptcy is a Lesson in Ways to Squander a Fortune," NY Times, Richard Sandomir: http://www.nytimes.com/2003/08/05/sports/othersports/05TYSO.html?th. He is a compulsive spender.

According to Sanford Ain, his former wife's divorce attorney, "[Tyson] spent enormous amounts of money that were inappropriate at best. Part of it can be attributed to a lack of willpower. Part of it can be attributed to people who [sic] he let get close to him and depended on his goodwill and took advantage of him."

Could "willpower" have helped Tyson? And how do we know who and what are good for us, and who and what aren't?

These are emotional intelligence competencies. One we might call Intentionality. Saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Being able to plan ahead and anticipate consequences. Being able to start and stop, consciously. It means being able to manage reactions and instincts, impulses and desires, in order to respond appropriately and bring about the best outcome for oneself and others, and using our intuition for quick reality-testing. Emotional intelligence is about being able to control impulses -- impulses which bring us pleasure in the short-term, but perhaps misery in the long-term.

How does this happen? Some instinctive desires and reactions come from the reptilian brain (territorial defense, sex and aggression) and so, apparently, do addictions.

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space," wrote Victor Frankl. "In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom." (Source: "Man's Search for Meaning.") As any addict will tell you, in addiction there is no freedom. EQ means being able to stop and think, being able to choose.

According to Dr. George Vaillant, a psychiatrist who directs the Study of Adult Development based at Harvard Medical School, who has long studied addiction, "the best intentions in the world don't help you with addiction. Willpower is not a prognostic factor in recovery. Addiction resides in what is often referred to as our reptilian brain, and - well, alligators don't come when they're called."

The reptilian brain is automatic, outside our control, and sometimes said to be "unconscious." What are we to do then?

In keeping with the analogy of the alligator, it won't listen to reason (the neocortex), and it doesn't care about anyone (limbic) in comparison to the addiction. We can't call it, push it or pull it, but we can pick the thing up and move it. And we can keep it where it needs to be. We need muscle to do that, and one of the things that gives us muscle is improving our emotional intelligence and getting conscious.

The instincts that come from the reptilian brain, such as fear and lust, and (if Vaillant is correct), our addictions, can "hijack" us until and unless we learn about them. Emotional intelligence is a process of awareness and personal growth. Our emotions serve a purpose - the purpose being to keep us alive and safe - but not all of them can be acted upon in today's world, or for our good or the good of others, and it's the impulses from the reptilian brain (that ancient old friend of ours) that are the strongest and the hardest to understand and manage appropriately.

Addiction remains the bete noir of psychology, perhaps because it is so resistant to logic and reason.

Why would someone keep doing something originally pleasant until it became damaging to them and to others? No one sets out to become addicted. Generally we set out to have fun, have a good time, soothe ourselves, enjoy ourselves or please others, but for some of us it gets out of hand. It's important to keep in mind it isn't the substance, it's the action. No one ever became addicted to alcohol who didn't take the first drink.

Learn about emotional intelligence, and increase yours with study, coaching and practice, and lend what you learn to the common body of knowledge. People do manage to overcome their addictions. One way appears to be through communication neurotransmitters within the brain, which suggests that the reptilian brain can be influenced by conscious thought and behavior. (Source: Candace Pert, Ph.D.) One example is "chippers," people who manage to use heroin without becoming addicted. It is ironic that I've often used Mike Tyson in examples of anger management. "If you became that angry at Mike Tyson," I ask the client, "would you be able to 'keep from' hitting him?" Our thoughts and our prayers are with Mike Tyson and all those involved.

There is nothing new about emotional intelligence, but our recognition of its value is new.

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